My sweet girl

I'm so freaking excited and proud! My sweet girl, my 18-year-old step-daughter, is trying out for the Seattle Seahawks cheerleaders, the SeaGals. She made it through the first round where they narrowed down from 200 to 70 girls. The 2nd round is tonight then if she makes it through, there are interviews Tuesday and/or Wednesday then a routine to learn on Friday, practice Saturday then final auditions on Sunday. I'm so nervous for her! eek.

We also did her Senior pictures on Saturday. My brother lives in ID and drove over to be the photographer. He is trying to get his photography business up and running so now he can add her pictures to his portfolio and we get free Senior photos. I can't wait to see the final product!

Ponderous

Every time I go to Wally-World there seems to be an over abundance of babies and preggos.

I can't decide if I should hang out there more often in case it is something in the environment or to stay away because it messes with my emotional state.

Just an observation I thought of sharing.

Inconceivable!

I was always the healthy one, rarely sick, never had to go see a Dr. My brother and sister were in and out of the Dr.’s offices. Not me. It was always a joke – sort of – that I got all the immune system and there was little left for my younger siblings. I was so healthy growing up that when, at the age of 20, I kept feeling a horrible pain on my right side and I finally gave in, it was the pediatrician that I went to see because that was the last Dr. I had been to.

I of course was chastised for not yet having a pelvic exam by this age and told I should be seeing a family Dr. After my ovarian cyst was diagnosed and medically confirmed that it went away on its own, I didn’t see a Dr. again until I needed birth control 3 years later.

(P.S. because of my cyst/symptoms, I was able to diagnose a friend with a cyst the same month I got mine, but roughly 8 months later her sister had a cyst burst (while on the performance floor – during competition). They both now have 2 beautiful children.)

The only thing that kept me going to a Dr. once a year was to refill my prescription.

Last year, I gave up and went to the Dr. after horrible, sharp pains kept me up at night. A slew of tests later, I was sent to the ER to prep for an appendectomy. This was my first trip ever to the ER and my first surgery aside from having my wisdom teeth out.

Afterwards, the surgeon told my husband that my appendix was very large and it was amazing I didn’t have any other symptoms (the ER doc was even able to push on my side hours before the surgery and it didn’t hurt). My surgeon commented that I must have an amazing immune system to keep the infected organ at bay for so long. I also healed from surgery amazingly quickly, with only 1 day of pain killers.

What does this have to do with anything?

My body has always run perfectly - to the point of envy by others.

Then why has it decided to betray me in my hour of need?!?

Why can’t I be normal and just get pregnant like everyone else around me!?

According to my charts, I ovulated just fine for 6 cycles then boom – nothing for 5 months (3 LONG cycles). Last month it all seemed to kick into gear again. I ovulated on CD 19. Of course, mostly because the O was a big surprise, BFN followed by AF. So I put my thermometer away. 1 year of temping was enough for me, besides my body started working again right.
Then there is this month. All signs seemed a go. I had perfect timing, all signs possible pointed to one day……3 weeks ago.

I waited and tested on 11, 13 and 15 DPO. NOTHING! Not even a glimmer or imaginary line and no sign to this day of AF. So, on 16 DPO….

Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me there was no O. Correction…CDthirty-frigin-six.

So, I picked up the thermometer again and confirmed what I thought, I never O’d in the first place, again.

Today is CD 41.

The other twist of fate….because of my emergency appendectomy (really is there any other kind, doh)… I can’t afford to go see a Dr. I’m still paying off my surgery. This begs the question…….

What the hell am I thinking?!?!

If I can’t afford to do what I need to in order to get pregnant, what business do I have trying to have a kid? Obviously I can’t afford one.

My mind is so muddled right now… must be the cold medicine. Oh, did I mention…


I’m sick.

*sigh* oh, the irony.

I'm stalking.....

In case you wanted to know the latest celebrity gossip, at least as it pertains to Ashton Kutcher, he was in Germany, then Maroco, now Australia where he started filming a movie today called 5 Killers. He just found out, because he saw his body double with waxed chest hair, that he has to wax his chest and he is not all to excited about it.

How do I know this?

It seems I have inadvertently become a stalker, or at least it feels this way.

And it’s all my Husband’s fault.

My Husband signed up for Twitter and sent me an invite. My brother has been on this a while, so I knew of it, but didn’t look into it until I got the invite.
It looked like fun. For those of you that don’t know, you sign up, get your cell phone hooked up to it and all you need to do is send a text message in to tell all your followers what you are up to or what you are thinking. In turn, you can follow other people. When you log onto your page, you see all the updates of the people you are following.

Of course I picked my Husband and a few others I knew had a Twitter page. My super wonderful Husband had found some celebrities/political officials to follow. Thinking this would be fun, I started following a few also.

Including Ashton Kutcher.

At first, I didn’t see any more updates from him than anyone else. This changed on Sunday. He must have thumb cramps from constantly texting!

Yesterday, I took the day off because work has told me I have to use more vacation time and I had a dentist appointment, so I was away from a computer for many hours. When I finally logged on, there was a page and ½ of updates….all but 2 from AK.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’m just weirded out that I feel like a stalker.

I can stop following anytime, I’ve considered this, but I also find it strangely interesting and it somewhat “normalizes” him.

So, for now, I’ll just live with the stalker label, even if it is just in my own mind.

Showing Love

Thank you for the award Tif! It is an honor to be thought of, especially in such a positive manner.

Now I have to choose only 8 wonderful blogs to pass this award on to..."These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award!"

Well, although I have started following more blogs, I still don’t have enough to fit the criteria, so this will have to do.

1. K
2. Indygal
3. Candi
4. Shot Gun

I am officialy crazy

So, TTC has stolen my sanity. I suspected for a while, but it is official.

I have put my thermometer away and decided to go this cycle with just a "whatever" approach. I do want to finish up the OPKs I have left (not many) and started testing on CD 13. The earliest I have ever O'd is CD 19. CD 13 was a very faint line, OK . Wait 2 days, slightly darker. Wait another 2 days, even darker and loads of EWCM. So I decide I will go ahead and test again today, CD 18.
If you remember, I have to go home during lunch because of my poor puppy's bladder control problems. Because I'll be home at noon anyway, I can pee at 8 and hold it for 4 hours to get an accurate test.

Today........ I forgot to pee at 8. And of course I don't have any OPK's with me.

9:00: "OK. I got this no problem. I just won't have any liquids."

10:00: "Still holding strong, I can ignore these urges."

10:30: "Really, I have to wait another hour-and-a-half!"

11:00: eyeballs are swimming and I'm squirming in my chair.

11:20: "I can't take it anymore." At this point I look down at my desk and notice I only have a dribble of eye drops left. I squirt the rest out, grap a paper cup and head to the bathroom.
Yep, I peed in a cup and sucked up a whole .5oz of pee into an eyedropper container, screwed on the lid, wiped it down and stuck it in my pocket.

As I'm walking back to my desk, I'm thinking, "This is crazy! I have pee in my pocket!"

I still have all the intention in the world to go squirt this on an OPK when I get home in about 10 minutes.

*sigh*

I'm over the edge.

Cops, Dog piss and O

Yesterday sucked!! Alright, to be fair yesterday evening sucked!!!

I got home from work to find my dog, Mason, had craped on the floor. I don’t have a very sensitive gag reflex, especially when it comes to these sorts of things, but I could barely wrap the paper towels around it and get it outside without gagging. Gross! As I’m getting the carpet cleaner out, I notice a wet spot close by. GRRRR! He peed on the floor to. This is really not like him. At least not in the last 2 years, in our old apartment, it used to be a regular occurrence. I yelled at him and set towels down to clean up the mess.
I went about my evening of reading and falling asleep – not planed and I feel so lazy admitting that. K wasn’t home because he had rehearsal until 7:30, but we will get back to that.
After waking up I got my butt moving, checked my email, changed, LET THE DOG OUT, and went to the gym. The gym is only a mile away so I was only gone an hour.
When I got home I found Mason had pulled a package of crackers off the table, ate them and demolished the package all over the floor. Also, not like him at all. Of course, he got in trouble for that too.
I went upstairs to the computer, and he had peed on the floor again!!! Couldn’t hold it for an hour Noooo. I had my hands full and was pissed by this time and went to push my bedroom door open with my foot, I was a bit forceful, slipped and put the toe of my shoe through the door. AAAAAAGGGGG! I’m dead. K is going to kill me. Oh did I mention that our now geto house with a hole in a door and dog piss everywhere is a rental.
So, K finally gets home at 9:00. I immediately fess up to the door and tell him what Mason has done. All he can say is “perfect” and goes upstairs to check on the door. Then he fills me in on his evening.

First you need to know that he injured his back 7 years ago and it was determined he would never get better, recently it has been worse, tightening to the point it hurts him to move and/or walk.
He was leaving rehearsal and got pulled over because the trailer hitch on his truck covers a number on his license plate (I don’t want to say, I told you so, but I pointed this out 2 weeks ago). From K’s account, the cop kept him there forever, he only got a warning. When the cop left, K tried to start the truck and the battery was dead. He walked ¼ of a mile to a school; no one was there so he walked back and pushed the truck until he came to a slope in the road so he could pop the clutch and start the truck. He didn’t call me because his cell phone was dead. So, what does my McGyver do, he lets the truck run and warm up then takes his cell phone battery out and taps it on the positive post of the trucks battery and got enough charge to call and let me know he was on his way and I need to open the garage.
So, from now on, I’m running home for lunch to let the dog out.

Other than that, life is alright. I’m resisting the need, it’s more than an urge; it’s a need, to POAS. Did I mention I actually O’d. Yep, and all on my own. The jury is still out on if it was last Monday or Tuesday. I had promised myself as soon as I realized that I O’d that I wasn’t going to fall for any imaginary symptoms, after all, I had some of these symptoms when I wasn’t Oing at all. Although I know our odds are low for conception, timing being the biggest thing against us, I can’t stop the hope from rising and the daydreaming from starting. I’ve tried.

Strange, I was daydreaming about the exact same thing a year ago today…and last week… and next week….