Inconceivable!

I was always the healthy one, rarely sick, never had to go see a Dr. My brother and sister were in and out of the Dr.’s offices. Not me. It was always a joke – sort of – that I got all the immune system and there was little left for my younger siblings. I was so healthy growing up that when, at the age of 20, I kept feeling a horrible pain on my right side and I finally gave in, it was the pediatrician that I went to see because that was the last Dr. I had been to.

I of course was chastised for not yet having a pelvic exam by this age and told I should be seeing a family Dr. After my ovarian cyst was diagnosed and medically confirmed that it went away on its own, I didn’t see a Dr. again until I needed birth control 3 years later.

(P.S. because of my cyst/symptoms, I was able to diagnose a friend with a cyst the same month I got mine, but roughly 8 months later her sister had a cyst burst (while on the performance floor – during competition). They both now have 2 beautiful children.)

The only thing that kept me going to a Dr. once a year was to refill my prescription.

Last year, I gave up and went to the Dr. after horrible, sharp pains kept me up at night. A slew of tests later, I was sent to the ER to prep for an appendectomy. This was my first trip ever to the ER and my first surgery aside from having my wisdom teeth out.

Afterwards, the surgeon told my husband that my appendix was very large and it was amazing I didn’t have any other symptoms (the ER doc was even able to push on my side hours before the surgery and it didn’t hurt). My surgeon commented that I must have an amazing immune system to keep the infected organ at bay for so long. I also healed from surgery amazingly quickly, with only 1 day of pain killers.

What does this have to do with anything?

My body has always run perfectly - to the point of envy by others.

Then why has it decided to betray me in my hour of need?!?

Why can’t I be normal and just get pregnant like everyone else around me!?

According to my charts, I ovulated just fine for 6 cycles then boom – nothing for 5 months (3 LONG cycles). Last month it all seemed to kick into gear again. I ovulated on CD 19. Of course, mostly because the O was a big surprise, BFN followed by AF. So I put my thermometer away. 1 year of temping was enough for me, besides my body started working again right.
Then there is this month. All signs seemed a go. I had perfect timing, all signs possible pointed to one day……3 weeks ago.

I waited and tested on 11, 13 and 15 DPO. NOTHING! Not even a glimmer or imaginary line and no sign to this day of AF. So, on 16 DPO….

Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me there was no O. Correction…CDthirty-frigin-six.

So, I picked up the thermometer again and confirmed what I thought, I never O’d in the first place, again.

Today is CD 41.

The other twist of fate….because of my emergency appendectomy (really is there any other kind, doh)… I can’t afford to go see a Dr. I’m still paying off my surgery. This begs the question…….

What the hell am I thinking?!?!

If I can’t afford to do what I need to in order to get pregnant, what business do I have trying to have a kid? Obviously I can’t afford one.

My mind is so muddled right now… must be the cold medicine. Oh, did I mention…


I’m sick.

*sigh* oh, the irony.