The same, but different

Anybody that is TTC will tell you, there are times of ups and downs. You feel hopelessness, depression and worry of time flying by, then that is all usually counter-balanced with times of hope and excitement that this time may be IT.
I am very used to dealing with the low moments of this roller coaster. I've been feeling them since before TTC. I would get mad and depressed because the baby fever was so high, but never got the hope and excitement upswing because there was no chance. Life was not allowing this chance. I felt time was flying by and I would never see my dream of being a Mom come true.

I still feel this despair sometimes, but not nearly as strong, because I feel there is a chance now.

I just came across this letter I wrote last year, then hid away, during a depression/baby fever time. It really did help me feel better at the time.
I still tear up when I read it

June 8, 2007

I don’t know you, but I love you.
I love everything you are and everything you will be. I can’t stop thinking about you, and wondering about you. What color will your hair and eyes be? I’m very sure your eyes will be blue, but your Great-Grandmother had brown eyes, so…maybe. I love your tiny toes, your tiny fingers, and your tiny ears… and they are not even formed yet.
I can picture you in heaven with the angels all around you, getting you ready for your life here.... getting you ready for us. I know you have been picked for us. I have no idea when you will be here, but I can’t wait to meet you, see your smile, hear what your voice sounds like, hold you, and kiss you. I don’t know when that will happen, but I pray I can be worthy of the honor of being your MOM.