The hardest job I've ever had part 1

My most important role in life so far has been Step-mom. I am one of the lucky ones who has a deep, adoring love and complex relationships with each of my 3 step-children. By the time my Husband and I were engaged (we had a 14 month engagement) the kids were 8, 4, and 1. Our relationships formed easy, early, and deeply. We choose each other. Although I would NEVER change this aspect at all, in a way, that has made it a heart breaking life for all of us.


I've heard it many times......"Oh, you had your kids the easy way." or "You are so lucky to be able to have the time alone and not have the kids everyday."

I'm very good at not showing on the outside how much I want to punch these people square in the nose - and I'm the least violent person ever.

There is nothing "easy" about just getting to be a family for 48 hours and then having to send your kids away. It never gets easier, I've been doing this for quite a while.

I used to cry like a baby and feel an increasing heartbreak every-other Sunday evening. Now I'm just numb to it.

I remember about 9 years ago, carrying my 4 year-old (then soon to be) step-son out to the car. With his head buried into my shoulder and arms wrapped around my neck he said "I wish you were my Mom and my Mom was my step-mom. I melted into a puddle right there in the parking lot.

If there were a highlight reel for kids trying to avoid going back to their Mother's house they would include: wrestling a coat on a screaming, full fledged tantrum throwing 3 year-old and forcing him into a car to leave; the old hide-the-shoes trick (this has been attempted by each of them at one point or another). Our oldest, at about 10 or 11 locking herself in the bathroom and refusing to leave.

We've had court case after court case. One year, we (I was the only one home to sign for it) were served court papers 2 days before Christmas. There was a court date 8 days and another 3 days before our wedding. Any honeymoon plans were cancelled because we didn't know if there would be any follow up cases scheduled for our honeymoon time-frame.

Through out time, I have become convinced that The EX is not happy unless she is making us miserable. I may have examples in stories at a later time, but there is only so much time in a day and the details of most examples have faded with time.

The entire time of my engagement and my marriage all I have ever wanted is a mature, adult relationship between my Husband (K) & myself and The EX (for blogging purposes this will be her name because it is nicer than anything else that comes to mind). This has proven to be impossible. The last thing in the world I have ever wanted was to come across as the stereotypical 2ND wife being all jealous (sometimes unavoidable) and pushy, and *itchy. But the easy-going, everyone gets along life I had in mind is not what happened.

Sometimes there are glimmers of this utopia.